when self-improvement becomes your only purpose

on perfectionism and what it takes from the world

All Parts is a newsletter for those who no longer want to force or fix their way through life. Our community space is called All Parts Home, where you have access to dozens of breathwork and movement practices, somatic explorations, a seasonal 15-day practice, educational workshops, and more to support self-compassion and curiosity. When you sign up for a membership, you automatically get a paid subscription to the All Parts newsletter.

(This letter was originally sent on January 14, 2024. I’ve changed it a little and added some bits here and there).

Perfectionism works for so many of us.

Until it doesn’t.

Perfectionism accumulates over time. It sneaks up on us. It builds and builds until it is no longer manageable. It begins with a moment of panic when what you’re doing seems to be working, and the accompanying pressure of needing to consistently perform; the pressure to uphold whatever version of success we’ve achieved.

This suffocating feeling is when we know perfectionism is rearing its nasty head.

Stephen Cope in his book The Great Work of Your Life argues that perfectionism arises when we aren’t clear on, or lose sight of, our dharma (in simple terms, our purpose).

He explains that when we’re not connected to our greater purpose beyond our own self-indulgences, our purpose becomes self-improvement. This is problematic not only because it’s selfish and individualistic, but also because it keeps us from offering our unique gifts to the world. He says:

“If you don’t find your work in the world and throw yourself wholeheartedly into it, you will inevitably make your self your work….You will, in the very best case, dedicate your life to the perfection of your Self. To the perfection of your health, intelligence, beauty, home, or even spiritual prowess. And the problem is simply this: this self-dedication is too small a work. It inevitably becomes a prison.”

The prison of perfectionism.

It does feel like a prison, doesn’t it?

With all the distractions of the world today, it’s so easy to lose sight of our “why.” We resort back to old narratives and stories about worth, meaning, and purpose. Not our narratives, but the ones written for us by a broken society designed to keep us locked in the confines of perfection and greed and climbing the ladder.

To which I personally, firmly and definitively say:

No thank you.

Let us remind each other that our work in the world is not just to make ourselves better.

It’s not about trying to craft the perfect body or resume or home or spiritual path.

It’s not about trying to get more subscribers or money or clout.

That is “too small a work,” and indeed it feels suffocating when those are our only pursuits.

What we’re here to do is to show up fully and wholeheartedly.

What we’re here to do is love hard on our little corner of the world with all our might, in hopes that we leave it better than we found it.

I’m reminded that my work is to call bullshit on all the ways our world keeps us from our Selves and from each other.

My work is to embrace the complexities of what it means to be human, and to support others to do the same.

What I’m here to do is so much larger than myself.

And what a fucking relief that is.

Big Love,

The part writing my own why

P.S. What is your work? What are you here to do with your one wild and precious life? I’ll meet you in the comments.

Prompts for Reflection

The above is merely one way to look at perfectionism. This particular way asks us to look at the space between our values and our current behaviors, and to get curious.

Are you honoring and fully embodying the values you know in your heart to be yours?

If not, why the gap?

What’s in the way?

What values are you prioritizing above your own?

Put another way, what values were given to you that you’re still trying to maintain/uphold, despite these values not being what you believe to be true for you?

As always, ease judgment.

As always, welcome in compassionate curiosity.

Join us for the summer 15 day practice! 15 days of breathwork and movement to honor the season of abundance and expression without burning out.

I used to dive into summer at full speed—late nights, early mornings, nonstop plans. By August, I was burned out and longing for winter. I wanted to enjoy the season, but my body was overwhelmed.

Then I started listening to what my nervous system needed. Instead of pushing through, I found simple practices that helped me slow down and actually be present.

What if you gave yourself that same permission—to soften into summer instead of sprint through it?

The Summer 15-Day Practice is here to help you move with the season, not against it—through presence, not pressure.

This practice will invite in more breath and life so you can fully experience the abundance of summer, while also balancing it with soothing and gentle meditative practices so that you don’t burn out.