Going to therapy isn't going to heal your trauma

at least not entirely.

the sea of change

Hi friend,

I’m starting to see the beginnings of fall: A tree who’s leaves are half-yellow, half-green; an overcast sky with the sun peeping through; wind blowing.

This change has made me think about all the changes I’ve experienced in the last year, and how utterly and exhaustingly busy it’s been. I had a client once say to me, “wow, you really do so much, and you travel quite a bit.” I just smiled and said, reluctantly, “yep, I know.”

It’s made me think about all the air planes and travel days and back and forths and logistics. To be clear, I don’t travel to exotic places; it’s mostly been back and forth from Vancouver, to Boston, to Austin, back to Boston, back to Vancouver…all out of necessity. It’s made me acknowledge the sad fact that I haven’t unpacked my travel toiletry bag in over a year.

Yet it’s also made me think about how I’ve been able to stay radically present throughout these wild times (not always, but for the most part). I’ve continued to build my private practice into a sustainable business. I’ve continued to grow my online offerings of kundalini, breathwork, and educational workshops and am in the process of creating a dedicated online community space where these offerings will live (eek!). I’ve been able to build a semi-consistent writing practice and keep up with these weekly-ish letters to you.

This is not me bragging, but rather speaking incredulously at all the things I’ve been able to juggle. Since when do I have the capacity to juggle so much without having a meltdown and quitting everything and going into hiding under my covers for 6 months?

The old me is skeptical as all hell. What the fuck? When did we become the person we’ve always dreamed of being?

One of my favorite movies is Life as a House. In it the main character, George, is reconciling all the mistakes he made in his life as a husband and a father. He has this amazing quote about change that I think about every time I’m confused about my own personal growth and healing, “You know the great thing, though, is that change can be so constant you don’t even feel the difference until there is one. It can be so slow that you don’t even notice that your life is better or worse, until it is.”

When we commit to healing from our traumas and their subsequent wounds, somewhere along the way we realize that healing is but two things: slow and constant.

We like to forget this by trying to speed things up and seek the sexy promises of quick fixes. We like to forget that healing takes not only commitment, but devotion. We forget that healing is, by design, disruptive and requires us to develop reliable anchors that help us stay stable in the seas of change.

Francis Weller in his book The Wild Edge of Sorrow speaks about the necessity of a consistent practice when moving through difficult emotions such as grief: “practice is a form of holdfast, offering a footing in the depths, something that steadies us in harsh weather, a strong and dedicated grasp that holds us firm in difficult times. We cannot control the ferocity of the storm, but we can cultivate the grip of our holdfast through our steady practices.”

A practice is defined as a consistent activity that we sustain over time to anchor us back into the present moment. This can be anything from journaling, meditation, breathwork, kundalini, prayer, dance, or painting. Practices can also include more holistic and integrative practices, like cooking a nourishing meal for yourself and others, a conversation with a loved one, and connecting back into the natural rhythms of nature through various herbal teas, seasonal eating, and tending to a garden. Weller says that “as long as we continue to show up and maintain our effort…a practice [helps give us what] we need to fortify our interior ground.”

Now I’m going to say something that most therapists might be afraid to admit:

Just going to therapy one day a week is not what’s going to support your healing process.

At least not entirely.

Therapy is a beautiful and important part of the healing process, to be sure. It’s a container where we can begin to unravel outdated beliefs and patterns, where we can get to the root of what ails us, and start to look at them head on within the safety of the therapeutic relationship.

Yet therapy without being tethered to any sort of practice is like breathing once every few minutes: just enough to survive, but not nearly enough to feel fully alive.

Part of my job as a therapist who also happens to have a degree in Integrative Health is to not only hold space for my people within the therapeutic container, but to also support them in developing the practices that will help them feel whole again.

I know from personal experience that it was when I was able to take radical responsibility for the things I did outside of the therapy room - the daily and seasonal practices that supported whole integration of my mind, body and spirit - that the slow yet constant shifts began to unfold before me.

I’m thrilled to be bridging the gap between therapy and practice, not only for my 1:1 clients, but also to all of you who I don’t yet know personally.

If you’re feeling the call to step more fully into the slow and constant practice of being on the healing path, I hope you’ll dare to join us for the upcoming offerings that I share more about below.

Maybe, just maybe, you’ll learn that you, too, can become the person you’ve always dreamed of becoming.

Xo,

The Slow and Constant Part

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REDUCING CHRONIC OVERWHELM: AN INTEGRATIVE APPROACH this Sunday, September 29th at 11am EST

In this workshop I’ll teach my very simple yet impactful integrative health framework to support you in dealing with feelings of chronic overwhelm and stress. You’ll leave feeling reassured and at peace knowing that you are capable of returning to more presence and aliveness. (If you can’t make it live I will be sending out a recording).

WEEKLY BREATH AND MOVEMENT CLASS: every Monday & Wednesday at 9am EST beginning October 7th

These classes are kundalini yoga-inspired and incorporate both gentle flow-y movements, more rigorous breath practices, mantra meditation, and more. These classes will support a more balanced sense of Self by playing with both down and up-regulating techniques to cultivate more flexibility and resilience within the mind, body, and soul.

**all of these offerings (including the workshop) are available to paid subscribers. To join us, please use the link below: