is being aware of our problems enough to heal them?

what New Age BS will have us believe...

Summer enjoying summer. (Summer is the dog’s name)

Welcome back to our monthly (ish) column, “Ask a Human, Therapist”, which is sorta like an “ask me anything”, where I’ll blend real human stories from my own life with some education to back it up.

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Question: What are your thoughts on The Untethered Soul?

I have seen this theme in a few different places and it is a process that is supposed to help us move through tough emotions, but it feels like it isn’t taking into consideration the complexity of some things stored in the body.

Starting with the book The Untethered Soul, to paraphrase, it says we are not our emotions that thoughts trigger, and when they come up to essentially become awareness and let emotions, thoughts, and triggers pass through. This is sort of reiterated in a Joe Dispenza interview.

It feels like an incomplete idea or structure though. I think both are well intentioned sources but leave confusion. I do think we are very powerful with our minds, but I know somethings are super difficult for people, too.

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Hi friend,

I love this question. Because although the original question was as simple as, “what are your thoughts on this book?,” as I write this I’m wondering if the question that’s really being asked is:

Is simply being aware of our problems enough to heal them?

I first read The Untethered Soul years ago, long before any formal training or education. I remember being really moved by it. It was a time where I wanted there to be simple answers to life’s hardest questions. I wanted to believe that awareness and awareness alone can heal, because believe you me, I was very aware of my problems.

I wanted an easy way out of my suffering.

Full disclosure, I had every intention of re-reading The Untethered Soul to answer this question. I got about 1/3 of the way through and decided I had read enough to answer the question that I think you’re asking, or at least the question that I’m going to attempt to answer.

Some people might disagree, but Michael Singer, the author of The Untethered Soul, and Joe Dispenza are two people that I believe categorically belong in the New Age Spirituality space.

New Age concepts and ideas are appealing to those who want absolute answers to ways out of pain and suffering. But there are a lot of problems with New Age Spirituality. Let’s talk about two of them in the context of your question.

1. The over-reliance on “Universal Truths.”

New Age spirituality will have you believe that there are simple rules and laws to life that apply to everyone. Ideas like, “everything happens for a reason,” or “what you think, you become,” or my personal favorite “if you just raise your vibration, everything will come into alignment.”

The Untethered Soul is chalk-full of these “truths.” In his book, Singer says things like, “what differentiates a conscious, centered being from a person who is not so conscious is simply the focus of their awareness.”

The old me underlined this statement twice and wrote “THIS!!” in the margins.

I read that sentence now and I can’t help but laugh. Because really, what does this statement even mean?? You’re saying that all I have to do is redirect my awareness and voilà! I’m a conscious, centered being? Ha!

But seriously, I want to give that old version of me a hug. She was so desperate for answers that platitudes like this felt profound and prolific. The simplicity of it all was extremely appealing.

Many who follow folks like Singer and Dispenza are enamored by the same thing I was: the idea that ultimate consciousness and healing were within reach, if only we could live by these universal truths.

The problem, of course, is that universal truths don’t really exist, at least in the way New Age spirituality wants them to. They often cause shame and self-blame - leaving you to internalize the idea that there must be something wrong with you if you aren’t able to embody these beliefs. They leave out the relational context and collective dynamics that directly impact your healing journey.

They reduce trauma to a mindset rather than something that lives in the nervous system and arises from relationships, environment, and history.

Perhaps most dangerous of all, they can make you lose your own inner authority. They take you further and further away from self-trust. When we outsource our own realities to external teachings or teachers, we cannot cultivate our own inner discernment.

We lose ourselves.

And discernment is key when building a safe relationship with your Self.

2. Detachment from the body as a form of “transcendence”

Many New Age teachings and teachers misinterpret and repurpose Vedic philosophy to appeal to the masses by promising transcendence as rising above the monotony of daily life and living in a state of pure, unadulterated bliss.

In these teachings, the physical body is something that we must rise above, manage, or escape from. In other words, transcendence comes when we can live in a state of eternal consciousness that exists outside of our own bodies.

Sure, this might offer temporary relief or a sense of perspective, but it often leads to bypassing the very sensations and emotions that need our attention the most in order to move through tough emotions.

Again, this was incredibly enticing to that old version of me who first picked up Singer’s book. I wanted out of my body because there were simply too many painful experiences held in it. Being in my body meant that I would have to sift through all these experiences thoroughly and completely, and that just felt like too much to bear.

For those who have painful stories and experiences that live within the physical body (i.e. most, if not all, of us), the idea of transcendence can be extremely alluring. But Vedic philosophy actually teaches us that true “oneness” comes from not only transcending mental hurdles, but also staying rooted and grounded in the physical body.

Many practices and beliefs that Dispenza and Singer sell tell us to transcend the body, but that actual leaves us stuck in loops of insight without actual change. In trying to transcend the body, we often end up circling the same patterns where we may gain mental clarity but never fully integrate the change into our daily lives.

We remain disembodied.

This is the scam of New Age spirituality that keeps folks coming back again and again.

I don’t know what transcendence means or looks like. Personally, I don’t really care. Because what I do know is that simply being aware of my triggers and attachment style and past experiences is not the same thing as sitting with how these things take hold in my breath and body in real time.

What I do know is that every time you want to leave your body and instead choose to stay in it (when it is safe to do so) is an act of radical courage that should be celebrated.

I guess all this to say that no, awareness is not enough. It’s appealing to believe it is, but it isn’t. Many folks in the New Age space will try to sell you awareness as the answer.

It isn’t.

I learned this the long and hard way. I hope you don’t have to.

By the nature of your question, though, it feels like you already knew that. Something felt off and “incomplete” about it. Their teachings are incongruent to your lived experience. Your inner compass is already calling bull shit on some of these teachings.

To which I will say the most important thing I could possibly say to you:

Listen to that inner knowing.

Xx,

Eliza

Have a question you want answered? I want to hear from you!

I love writing these letters to you. If you want one of your questions answered, please DM me or comment directly on this piece. Here are some prompts to get you thinking:

• if you could ask your therapist anything, what would you ask?

• is there a therapeutic modality, self-help book, or wellness trend that you’ve been hearing about but don’t know if it’s worth the hype? What reservations do you have about it?

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