Trauma isn't a life sentence

at least it doesn't have to be.

Hi friend,

In last week’s letter, I shared my thoughts and feelings from more of a personal place. I invited us all to get curious about what the present moment is offering us as a way to embody more of ourselves.

This week, I’m offering a bit more of an educational exploration into trauma and trauma healing. We talk trauma symptoms, implicit memories and triggers, and how we can begin to feel free of the symptoms that often feel like a life sentence for so many of us.

Reach out in the comment section with any insights, thoughts, feelings, and questions. I always love to hear from you!

There are two truths about trauma healing: 

#1 You don’t need to explicitly remember a traumatic event for it to impact your daily life now and show up as symptoms in the mind and body. 

#2 The search for finding the exact moment that caused you the symptoms you experience today can often get in the way of healing said symptoms. 

Trauma expert Dr. Janina Fisher explains that “trauma survivors have symptoms instead of memories.” This was certainly my experience of trauma; I hardly had any memories of my childhood. By my early 20s I felt dissociated much of the time, and experienced on and off depression that left me in a near constant functional freeze state of shame and not good enough-ness. I didn’t know why I felt this way, I just thought something was inherently wrong with me and it was my fate to suffer in this way for the rest of my life (dramatic, I know, but true nonetheless).

Symptoms that can often arise from trauma are things like depression, irritability, decreased concentration and interest, numbing out, shame, chronic pain, nervous system dysregulation, hypervigilance, anxiety, avoidance, withdrawal, digestive problems, sleep disturbances, migraines/headaches, fatigue, and other chronic conditions.

That’s not to say that trauma is always the root cause of these symptoms. Sometimes these symptoms develop for other reasons. However as Gabor Mate explains in his book The Myth of Normal, “health and illness are not random states in a particular body or body part. They are, in fact, an expression of an entire life lived, one that cannot, in turn, be understood in isolation: it is influenced by - or better yet, it arises from - a web of circumstances, relationships, events, and experiences.” 

If you experience any of these symptoms, rest assured that it is not because you are a broken or malfunctioning human being. There’s a reason you’re feeling the way you are, but it’s often not as black and white as we’d like it to be; we often can’t pinpoint it to an isolated event, or even an event we cognitively remember. Our bodies are complex systems, and so are the reasons for our symptoms. 

You don’t need to explicitly remember a traumatic event for it to impact your daily life now and show up as symptoms in the mind and body. 

Implicit memories are unconscious, automatic memories that influence behavior and emotional responses without intentional recall. These include intrusive emotions and thoughts, impulses to run or avoid that seemingly come out of nowhere, somatic sensations such as dizziness or heaviness, and certain attachment symptoms like a felt sense of abandonment or yearning for contact/connection. 

Often what we call triggers in today’s world are actually implicit memories of past experiences that are bubbling to the surface. Let me repeat: these memories, by definition, are below our level of conscious awareness. As Dr. Peter Levine explains, “conscious, explicit memory is only the proverbial tip of a very deep and mighty iceberg. It barely hints at the submerged strata of primal implicit experience that moves us in ways the conscious mind can only begin to imagine.”

When you begin to work somatically, you are learning a different language. The language of the body doesn’t necessarily care about specific events or exact moments where everything went wrong, because the body does not work in linear ways. As shared above, Dr. Gabor Mate’s definition of health and illness states that the body is “a web of circumstances, relationships, events, experiences,” and more.

It’s not that cognitive understanding of our life experiences isn’t important. It is. We need to be able to have an understanding of why we are the way we are to feel integrated and whole. But when we try to heal from just a place of conscious, explicit memory, we’re missing the rest of the “very deep and mighty iceberg.” We’re missing most of the information and data that is available to us. 

Learning to speak the language of the body helps us be with implicit (i.e. unconscious) memories. Through developing a deep presence and curiosity about our triggers, we start to slowly but surely bring these unconscious memories to a level of conscious awareness. From this place, we begin to weave our web of understanding of what makes us, us. 

The search for finding the exact moment that caused you the symptoms you experience today can often get in the way of healing said symptoms. 

As I continue my journey of speaking the language of the body, I find that new insights and memories are unlocked almost daily. Some of the memories that have been uncovered have been excruciating and hard to reconcile. Others have been full of joy and appreciation for the life I’ve lived thus far. All of these memories and insights have created a beautiful tapestry that has allowed me to know myself more deeply and wholly. 

Healing from trauma is not an easy road, but my god is it worth it to be freed of all the symptoms I thought were just the “cards I was dealt” in this life. 

All this to say that if you’re experiencing symptoms and you’re not exactly sure why, know that they don’t have to be a life sentence. Know that by learning to speak the language of the body, you can begin to slowly but surely thaw from the frozen stuckness you might be experiencing from constantly trying to find the reason why you are the way you are.

Know that by learning to speak the language of the body, you will slowly uncover your own beautiful and unique web of experiences, relationships, and circumstances. This, my friend, is true reconnection to Self. What a gift.

Talk soon,

The Part Weaving my Own Web & Supporting Others to Do the Same

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Weekly breath & movement classes, every Monday and Wednesday from 9-9:30am EDT.

These 20-30 minute classes are kundalini yoga-inspired and incorporate both gentle flow-y movements, more rigorous breath practices, mantra meditation, and more. These classes will support a more balanced sense of Self by playing with both down and up-regulating techniques to cultivate more flexibility and resilience within the mind, body, and soul.

If you’ve been curious about kundalini and/or breathwork for a while, this is a super welcoming environment to explore. Also hint: this is a great practice that will help you begin to learn the language of the body. Can’t wait!

*these classes will be recorded and will live in a library that you have access to

**these offerings are available to paid subscribers through the All Parts Home community. Try it out with our 7 day free trial!

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