The Rise of the Over-Therapized
How do we know when therapy is actually working?
In last week’s episode of the podcast Synced, author and feminist
proclaims 2024 the “year of doing,” after previous years of being forced to do nothing but think. Her point is that with such an uptick in people seeking professional mental health support, particularly since the pandemic (up from 13% in 2004 to 23% in 2022), she wonders if people have become over-therapized to the point of overwhelm; the ultimate paralysis by analysis.Due to the influx of self-help books and social media therapist influencers, people have begun to self-diagnosis and use terms in daily life like, “I definitely have anxious attachment,” and, “I really like this guy but I’m pretty sure we’re just trauma bonded.”
It’s great that these resources have helped people feel validated and understood- I don't believe in gatekeeping information on any level - but there’s also a danger to all this cognitive understanding of psychological woes and analyzing, without having the support or know-how to reflect, process, and integrate them.
In therapy today, there is too much emphasis on traditional talk therapy and solution-focused approaches without proper experiential interventions, such as somatic experiencing and internal family systems.
Have we all just become overthinkers, aware of our own faults and traumas, knowing the right therapy lingo and words to say, without the embodiment to back it up?
Is this a product of being over-therapized?
How do we know when therapy is actually working?
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I was reading through some old journals from 2022 the other day (something I don’t usually make a habit of doing) when I came across an idea that might be useful here. I’ve paraphrased and expanded on it below.
Sometimes the digging for the answers is what drives you mad. Stop digging.
There’s a reason you like that quote about “what makes it unbearable is your belief there is a cure.”
There’s a quote that I have written on a sticky note on my wall above my desk. It might sound grim at first read, but it’s one of the most liberating things I’ve ever read:
“What makes it unbearable is your mistaken belief that it can be cured.”
Said by Zen teacher Charlotte Joko Beck.
I like to think of each and every moment as containing an entire spectrum- open on one side, closed on the other. Open is that feeling of expansion and presence where you’re in flow. Closed is when the body doesn't feel safe; it’s tense and in protective mode.
Imagine that you have a great, incredible breathwork class that leaves you feeling open and expansive. 30 minutes later your mom calls to tell you that your uncle is going in for heart surgery. You close a little bit. Then, you get an alert on your phone that there has been yet another mass shooting. You close more. But then you get a call from a friend with the news of a long awaited pregnancy - and you open a little more again.
We are forever oscillating and moving along the spectrum of open and closed. Sea grass swaying with the currents.
The only control we have is to be aware of where we are on the spectrum at any given moment, and choose acceptance. This, my friend, is different from begrudged submission. You’re not throwing in the towel, you’re actively engaging more with all that is held in the here and now.
We must choose acceptance of what is in the moment, knowing that there will be more moments in the future that offer more openness. The Buddhist idea of non-attachment is critical here.
Living a fully alive and engaged life does not mean that we are open all the time.
It means that we don’t avoid the closedness when it arises.
In the ancient yogic text the Bhagavad Gita, the divine Krishna explains the snowball of effects that happen when we try to avoid the very natural human instinct of closing. As explained through the words of Stephen Cope:
“Krishna details the inevitable movement of aversive states: the impulse to eschew the unpleasant leads to avoidance; avoidance leads to aversion; aversion leads to fear; fear leads to hatred; hatred leads to aggression. Unwittingly, the oh-so-natural instinct to avoid the unpleasant becomes the root of hatred. It leads to war: war within, war without. Entertaining aversion is a slippery slope.”
Experiencing varying degrees of closedness throughout the day is part of our human experience, and so we must not be averse to the very natural inclination to close. It’s by sitting with the closedness, instead of constantly trying to find “the cure” where the real healing magic of therapy happens.
Let me explain.
I see clients every day who will self-gaslight into thinking that their closedness is a confirmation that there’s something wrong with them that they need to fix.
Yea, I didn’t like that comment my partner made, but I think I was just overreacting. I need to be better at communicating.
In this case, the seemingly obvious “cure” would be working on the client’s communication skills. To which I say, perhaps! That could definitely be something to address and work on.
But first, can we back up and sit with what it felt like when your partner said that thing you didn’t like? How do you know you didn’t like it? What did it feel like in your body? Are there other times in the past where you’ve felt that same way? As you sit with this feeling, what memories or images come up for you?
All of a sudden a whole new door of awareness and understanding comes in. Oh yea, this is how I used to feel in my relationship with my ex. Interesting, I never realized that before. Maybe my communication in that moment was just fine… With this example, learning to sit with the closedness in real time would have allowed the client to remember that there is nothing wrong with them; their body was just having a moment of remembering a past experience and closed temporarily. That’s normal and natural and an indication that our nervous system is alive and well!
In this way, the acceptance and curiosity of the closedness in the here and now becomes more valuable and healing than if we had simply worked on communication skills like “I feel” statements.
So instead of avoidance, can you begin to notice what closed feels like in your body? Can you notice what open feels like?
Can you notice the frustration or anger when the body begins to close? Can you notice your tendencies to want to find the problem and fix it?
Can you notice the mind’s inclination to want to cling to openness when you feel it, and can you stay curious?
As I wrote in my journal back in 2022:
Believe. Believe in yourself. There is so much beauty and insight in the closedness.
If you can name, at any given moment, where you are on this spectrum- you’re doing it.
You’re on your way, my friend.
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I’m sure other therapists might have a more data-driven answers to “how do I know when therapy is working?” What I’ve described is certainly not the only way to know if therapy is working. (If you’re a therapist or someone who’s gone to therapy and you’re reading this, I’d love to hear how you know therapy is working in the comments).
For me in my practice, I simply like to call it more curiosity; more openness, even when there’s closedness. There’s less focus on the cognitive understanding of “what’s wrong with me and how do I fix it,” which is usually the focus of traditional talk therapy and solution-focused approaches. Don’t get me wrong, there is a time and place for those approaches, too. But I think over-therapization happens when we’re constantly on the panicked search to find the problem and the subsequent cure. Somatic and other experiential modalities help cultivate a willing acceptance that there is no cure for being human and having very human experiences. Instead, they teach us how to ride the waves of life without getting swept away by them. Thank god. Because it’s through these human experiences that we’re reminded we are alive, and that we’ve survived even the most horrific traumas and are still wanting to heal and grow. That in and of itself is a miracle.
There’s no cure for our human experiences. There is only curiosity. Only acceptance. Only presence. There is only moment to moment recognition of where we are on the scale from openness to closedness.
And that, my friend, is enough.
Xx,
The part embracing the closedness
Upcoming Events/News:
IN PERSON event in Austin, TX: Full Moon Women’s Circle Friday, January 26 at 6:30pm
I’m starting a monthly women’s circle for female-identifying folks who live in and around the Austin, Texas area (or are visiting for the weekend!). We’ll meet and share/hold space with ceremonial cacao, a breathwork journey, and space for reflection, sharing, and coming together in mindful community. The exchange for this is $35. I couldn’t be more excited to be in person with you.
ONLINE: The 15 Day Challenge on CLARITY begins Wednesday, February 7th at 6am PST/8am CST/9am EST
The 15 day challenge is an opportunity to commit to presence through a daily 30-minute breathwork and movement practice. We get on zoom every morning and I guide us through a kundalini yoga practice that we deepen and expand on throughout the course of the challenge.
This month’s practice will incorporate an invigorating movement and breath practice to support you in developing and finding clarity within your Self: mind, body, and soul. When we are crystal clear on who we are and what our purpose is in this world, we're able to trust our Self and can express our truth through our words, behaviors, and commitments.
Here’s what past participants have said about the 15 day challenge:
“Transformative”
“I’m sleeping so much better!”
“Your approach is so accessible! It’s the perfect blend of science and spirituality”
“I already noticed a difference on day 2 - can’t imagine how it’ll feel on day 15!”
Other substacks I enjoyed this week:
- ’s article For you, who needs more than dry January. Even if you don’t drink or have trouble with alcohol, I recommend giving it a read.
- ’s weekly digest , where he generously shares my newsletter from last week, along with a bunch of other amazing work from others.
Love what
is doing with his newsletter,
I’m a therapist, love this post.
When I start with clients in the first session I ask them, how will you know if this is working? They usually say something like ‘I’ll be less anxious’, ‘I won’t be depressed any more’, I won’t need anti depressants’, I’ll feel better’, etc. Then we monitor our work. When they do feel better they can work towards ending, which can be one session or many depending on circumstances.
If you (your readers) aren’t sure if therapy is working, ask yourself, do I feel better about myself? is my life/relationships improving? Has the anxiety/self harm/depression gone/decreased? Am I functioning well? If not, you need to bring it up with your therapist asap. If they don’t address the question, can’t explain the lack of change, or you don’t feel better at all, it’s time to leave, there will be a better one for you💛
Lots to think about and unpack in this post! Like everything else, psychology has gotten misconstrued and watered down via social media. People think because they’re reading or listening to a so-called expert they’re doing the work, which is totally false, but it can be a starting point for greater reflection and ultimately getting real help. I think the other big danger is we’ve started self-diagnosing and then seeing ourselves or others solely as diagnoses and not as complex individuals, shaped by our many life experiences.