I feel this deeply. I am craving connection and community, but I terrified to put myself out there. I partially think I do not feel connected to this place, and I don’t want to put down roots here. But I need connection, and even if I loved where I am, I would probably have the same story playing in my head. A part of me is terrier to let people into my life because what if they reject me, or hurt me, or leave me. Thank you for this, I am going to go take my feelings and processing to my journal 😅
Emma these are such profound insights and speak directly to so much of what I’ve felt in the past, so I really do see and hear you in all your feelings!
I think we can’t underestimate how important our connection is to the place we live is when finding safety in community. I wonder if actually our connection to place is a prerequisite to community? Like if we don’t feel fully connected to where our feet are, can we ever feel fully connected or engaged in it’s community?
Oh, I need to sit with that point. Because if we are often thinking about leaving, it does feel counterintuitive to try to connect and put down roots. I also think I keep the story or desire to want to leave alive but never settling into a place. There is a lot here!
Love this so much Eliza. I feel so unbelievably lucky that where I live now is the first place in my life I've felt truly connected to the place and community and have found a place I hope I will call home for a long long time. We moved here - Lewes, in East Sussex - two years ago and have built up such amazing connections with the local community. Parents and families, in our street (we got added to the WhatsApp group the day we moved and there are regular gatherings that take place), my husband with the skateboarding community, and in so many other ways. It's the kind of place where you can't leave the house without bumping into someone you know - which actually I can find a bit tricky as an introvert who sometimes wants to be alone!! But overall it's amazing. I hope you find the sense of place and community you're looking for in New England.
Ellie this makes me SO happy, and brings me more hope that it is possible to find caring and loving communities even in the messed up world we live in.
How do you think being in your community has changed you? Or maybe another question: how did you have to change in order to receive your community in Lewes?
Yes, it absolutely is. It's something I've wanted my whole life and I think often told myself there was something wrong with me that I never quite found it... In terms of how I've needed to change - I'm not sure! To be honest, I think what's really clicked is finally meeting lots of people who are like me; who share similar values and interests. The people I have met and meet here are often passionate about social justice, the environment, they're not materialistic, they often artistic/creative, they practice gentle parenting (and things like co-sleeping and long-term breastfeeding, which is so common here but I've found is rarer in other places like where we lived in London).
I think it's changed me by making me feel safe and connected. Rather than lonely and feeling like that was my fault in some way - it was my fault because I was different. I feel such relief in my body when I'm chatting to another parent in the playground and they mention that they've found parenting hard or they're co-sleeping, or they go to women's circles, or anything like that... I'm just like - wow! I've found my people :) Lewes truly is a magical place. When I lived in London I did find some people who were similar to me but it took a LOT of effort and also, the way London is, people 'nearby' could often mean an hour away on the bus or tube, even though we live in the same city! Whereas you can walk across Lewes in 40 mins, and most people are 20 min walk away.
Sorry this was a mega long response!! And I'm not sure how helpful to you! But thank you for the opportunity for me to really reflect with enormous gratitude that I've landed in this town and finally felt part of a community where I belong x
So beautifully put Eliza. This theme of belonging feels so central for us humans. I wrote about it last week too here on Substack, and one of my favourite books is Toko-pa Turner's book 'Belonging'. I hope your move goes well and you find the seeds of belonging you seek.
This piece captured so many things I’ve been thinking about and writing about in my recent poems. You do a beautiful job inter-weaving the different theories that all point to the same paradoxical truth - we need to belong, and we are terrified to belong. I am wrestling with that so much as I seek to find my place in my husband’s hometown, 2,000 miles away from where I grew up.
Thank you, Colleen, for your kind words. I’m so glad this resonated and maybe made you feel a little less alone.
I lived in my husbands hometown for 6 years (3000 miles away from where I grew up), so I really appreciate and understand how hard it can be to find your footing in a place you didn’t necessarily choose. I hope you’ll stay open to making the connections you seek, they might be waiting for you where you least expect them! 😊
I feel this deeply. I am craving connection and community, but I terrified to put myself out there. I partially think I do not feel connected to this place, and I don’t want to put down roots here. But I need connection, and even if I loved where I am, I would probably have the same story playing in my head. A part of me is terrier to let people into my life because what if they reject me, or hurt me, or leave me. Thank you for this, I am going to go take my feelings and processing to my journal 😅
Emma these are such profound insights and speak directly to so much of what I’ve felt in the past, so I really do see and hear you in all your feelings!
I think we can’t underestimate how important our connection is to the place we live is when finding safety in community. I wonder if actually our connection to place is a prerequisite to community? Like if we don’t feel fully connected to where our feet are, can we ever feel fully connected or engaged in it’s community?
Oh, I need to sit with that point. Because if we are often thinking about leaving, it does feel counterintuitive to try to connect and put down roots. I also think I keep the story or desire to want to leave alive but never settling into a place. There is a lot here!
Love this so much Eliza. I feel so unbelievably lucky that where I live now is the first place in my life I've felt truly connected to the place and community and have found a place I hope I will call home for a long long time. We moved here - Lewes, in East Sussex - two years ago and have built up such amazing connections with the local community. Parents and families, in our street (we got added to the WhatsApp group the day we moved and there are regular gatherings that take place), my husband with the skateboarding community, and in so many other ways. It's the kind of place where you can't leave the house without bumping into someone you know - which actually I can find a bit tricky as an introvert who sometimes wants to be alone!! But overall it's amazing. I hope you find the sense of place and community you're looking for in New England.
Ellie this makes me SO happy, and brings me more hope that it is possible to find caring and loving communities even in the messed up world we live in.
How do you think being in your community has changed you? Or maybe another question: how did you have to change in order to receive your community in Lewes?
Yes, it absolutely is. It's something I've wanted my whole life and I think often told myself there was something wrong with me that I never quite found it... In terms of how I've needed to change - I'm not sure! To be honest, I think what's really clicked is finally meeting lots of people who are like me; who share similar values and interests. The people I have met and meet here are often passionate about social justice, the environment, they're not materialistic, they often artistic/creative, they practice gentle parenting (and things like co-sleeping and long-term breastfeeding, which is so common here but I've found is rarer in other places like where we lived in London).
I think it's changed me by making me feel safe and connected. Rather than lonely and feeling like that was my fault in some way - it was my fault because I was different. I feel such relief in my body when I'm chatting to another parent in the playground and they mention that they've found parenting hard or they're co-sleeping, or they go to women's circles, or anything like that... I'm just like - wow! I've found my people :) Lewes truly is a magical place. When I lived in London I did find some people who were similar to me but it took a LOT of effort and also, the way London is, people 'nearby' could often mean an hour away on the bus or tube, even though we live in the same city! Whereas you can walk across Lewes in 40 mins, and most people are 20 min walk away.
Sorry this was a mega long response!! And I'm not sure how helpful to you! But thank you for the opportunity for me to really reflect with enormous gratitude that I've landed in this town and finally felt part of a community where I belong x
So beautifully put Eliza. This theme of belonging feels so central for us humans. I wrote about it last week too here on Substack, and one of my favourite books is Toko-pa Turner's book 'Belonging'. I hope your move goes well and you find the seeds of belonging you seek.
Thank you, Vicki! I haven’t heard of that book but putting it on my list. Excited to read your piece when things over here are a bit more settled 😅😊
This piece captured so many things I’ve been thinking about and writing about in my recent poems. You do a beautiful job inter-weaving the different theories that all point to the same paradoxical truth - we need to belong, and we are terrified to belong. I am wrestling with that so much as I seek to find my place in my husband’s hometown, 2,000 miles away from where I grew up.
Thank you, Colleen, for your kind words. I’m so glad this resonated and maybe made you feel a little less alone.
I lived in my husbands hometown for 6 years (3000 miles away from where I grew up), so I really appreciate and understand how hard it can be to find your footing in a place you didn’t necessarily choose. I hope you’ll stay open to making the connections you seek, they might be waiting for you where you least expect them! 😊