what most people get wrong about somatic therapy

5 things I'm doing to support deep rest instead of numbing out

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Hi friend,

Starting somatic therapy, especially if you’ve done a lot of other types of therapy before, is like learning a different language. It takes time and practice to listen to the body, just as it takes time and practice to learn new verb conjugations and feel comfortable with different sounds coming out of your mouth.

But there’s always one thing that I notice with new clients that is one of the most common misconceptions of somatic therapy. I also think it’s one of the reasons why so many people often feel chronically stuck, frozen, and overwhelmed, and why there is such an influx of people suffering with chronic illness.

It’s typically most noticeable to me when a client first moves into a more shutdown or freeze state in a session. They’re often able to identify this in real time. My shoulders are feeling heavy. I’m feeling really tired. My eyelids want to close. My breath is slowing down.

Their shoulders slouch forward. Their chin droops toward their chest.

What’s it like for you to notice that? I ask.

But before I get an answer, I’ll see them take a deep breath. And then an even deeper breath. And then they start to straighten their spine to sit up taller. They shake out their shoulders, like a dog awakening after a nap. Often they’ll open their eyes and look at me, communicating a look of apology. As if to say, sorry, I’m clearly not doing this whole somatic therapy thing right. Can we start again?

And here lies the conundrum with somatic therapy in the modern world:

We are so indoctrinated in the notion that any form of shutdown is bad, that we feel the need to fix or get out of it as quickly as possible.

I’ll sometimes talk about this openly with clients, and they’ll tell me that hanging out in that shutdown state for too long feels unproductive, like a waste of a session.

The old language of thinking about themselves as a problem that needs fixing comes back online. I just feel like we should be…DOING something. Like I should be FEELING more so I can just move on with my life. You know?

I do know.

Because when first learning the language of the body, dissociating often feels like the only option for rest. The body and mind don’t know the difference, and so all of it feels extremely unsafe and, yes, unproductive.

But if we can learn to be with our shutdown states in safe and healthy ways, there is often so much wisdom and insight to be gleamed here. If we can learn to not bypass the tired eyes and the heavy shoulders, we begin to disentangle rest from dissociation and numbing out.

Below I explain a little more about the nuance of the freeze state and provide 5 simple self-care practices that I’ve been doing to support deep rest, without dissociating.

the two faces of the dorsal vagal system and finding safety in stillness

In Polyvagal Theory, the dorsal vagal complex is often associated with immobilization, but it is also an essential and adaptive part of the nervous system. It is the part of our nervous system that allows for deep rest, digestion, and restoration, allowing the body to slow down and repair itself.

In an adaptive state, the dorsal vagal complex supports profound stillness, safety, and even spiritual connection.

But when the dorsal vagal system is triggered by fear, overwhelm, or trauma, this same immobilization state shifts into shutdown, dissociation, and collapse. When we are persistently connected to the dorsal vagal system in these ways, we can become chronically dysregulated, leading to potential chronic symptoms such as:

• slowing down of metabolic functions, digestion, and energy production, which can lead to digestive orders, hypothyroidism & hormonal imbalances, chronic pain/inflammation, and chronic fatigue syndrome

• disconnection from self and others, which can lead to dissociation & depersonalization, depression, brain fog, and trouble with memory

• loss of purpose or meaning

• lack of trust in the Self, making it hard to access intuition and your own inner wisdom

• blocked creativity & self-expression

Many who struggle with chronic stress or trauma cannot differentiate between restful stillness and complete nervous system collapse, often leading them to feel uneasy or even more dysregulated when trying to relax.

Sound familiar?

Building a safe relationship with dorsal activation is so important. Rather than forcing rest or avoidance, we can slowly but surely begin to engage with stillness in a way that is conscious, supported, and nourishing.

Uncoupling healthy rest and trauma-based shutdown only happens when we learn to intentionally and safely engage with the dorsal vagal complex, instead of trying to bypass it altogether like I often see with new clients.

By learning not to fear our dorsal states, we can slowly but surely develop a more flexible and resilient nervous system, creating space for both aliveness and deep rest without getting stuck in freeze.

how I’m engaging with dorsal states these days without moving into numbness or collapse (and a curated playlist to support emotional resonance)

It is as important as it’s ever been to find safety in rest. It is as important as it’s ever been to notice when you’re moving into collapse and shutdown states and see if you can instead engage with more supportive ways of resting.

full disclosure: it took me a long time and many somatic therapy sessions before I began to feel the difference between shutdown and rest in my body. There are still times where my body defaults to dissociation. There are still times where my body does not feel safe to fully rest, leading me to fill up my calendar unnecessarily.

There are times where I somatically know that I should opt for a yin yoga class but intellectually tell myself I need a HIIT boxing class.

There are times where I just don’t feel like resting, or actually can’t rest due to external circumstances.

The goal is never perfection. It’s simply noticing if and when we fall into old patterns and remembering that there are other, more adaptive ways.

Just like many of you, I’ve had to readjust my usual routines to meet myself where I am at these days. I’ve had to be very mindful about what and how and when I’m consuming news and media. What once was no big deal for my nervous system is enough to set me up for a bad night’s sleep. As the world around us evolves, so too must our restful practices.

Here are the restful practices that I’ve been leaning into hard these days that don’t involve technology or spending money.

I’d love to know which one resonates with you the most in the comments below!